Kyoyastiltskin and other Wacky Fairytales
by texancoconut51
Summary: What do you get when you combine Ouran High School Host Club and famous fairytales? Utter comic chaos! Watch as Haruhi, Tamaki, Hikaru, Kaoru, Honey, Mori, and Kyoya turn your favorite fairytales into comic madness. Reviews are nice. T for safety.
1. Kyoyastilstkin

Kyoyastiltskin

_**Disclaimer: I own neither Ouran High School Host Club, nor the fairytale Rumpelstiltskin.**_

Once upon a time, there was the lovely, albeit strange, kingdom of Ouran. And deep within the walls of this Kingdom, there was a conning, sarcastic, conniving set of gay twins named Hikaru and Kaoru. These twins had a beautiful daughter named Haruhi, who was nothing like her dads, probably because she wasn't biologically theirs. No duh. Now these twins didn't like their King, King Tamaki, very much, so they decided to send him a transvestite tramp named Ranka for his birthday. Needless to say, King Tamaki wasn't pleased, though he was a bit battered and bruised. King Tamaki was so upset that he sentenced Haruhi to be exiled to the land of the Black Magic Club.  
Now, Haruhi, who wanted to become the Royal Lawyer, didn't agree with this sentencing, and went to King Tamaki with an argument to have it repealed. But when she arrived at the Third Music Castle, King Tamaki felt the punishment was cruel with her and instantly repealed the sentence. Unfortunately, Haruhi was a major klutz, and on her way out of the Third Music Castle, she tripped and broke the priceless Green Vase of Suoh. King Tamaki, who was very attached to that vase, sentenced her to be his Royal Straw Weaver, and to weave all the straw into priceless gold by morning, and said if she didn't, she would be executed. He was really attached to that stupid vase.

"Can't you just turn me into your dog, or make me dress as a boy?" she pleaded, because she couldn't weave straw into gold.

"No, that's too silly" King Tamaki replied with a laugh, even though he felt it was a brilliant idea. And he swept her to his first straw filled room, the size of an apartment.

Haruhi sat there and cried, until the door burst open and she saw a tall man with glasses enter.

"Don't cry my dear, for I know how to solve all your problems." He said.

"How?" she said with a raise of her eyebrow.

"You needn't know that, just pay me with your body." He said with an icy tone.

"No, how about my necklace instead?" she said, for the man was very foreboding.

"Fine" he grumbled. And she handed him the necklace and he removed all the straw by bulldozer and replaced it with gold.

"Where did you get all that gold?" she inquired.

"That's simple, for there's a girl the next town over who can weave straw into gold." He replied as he left, and Haruhi laid down to rest.

When Haurhi awoke, she could see King Tamaki gazing upon her, and she looked right on back.

"Bravo, my fair maiden, but I still have more straw." He shouted with glee as he pulled her to the next room, which was the size of a house. He shoved her in it, and left her there.

"Damn rich people." She said as she started to cry. Then who would have shown up but that other guy.

"Pay me with your body." He commanded.

"No, take my ring." She pleaded.

"Fine" he grumbled, and he imported the gold and exported the straw, and left, taking the ring with him.

Haruhi awoke the next morning, and saw once again King Tamaki.

"One last room, Princess, and then you will become my bride!"

"Oh joy" she muttered and she went to the last room, which was the size of a mansion.

"Good luck!" he cried, and he left, leaving her all alone. Then the man came.

"Pay me with your body." He pleaded, clearly wanting some.

"No, you may have my first child" she told him, and he set to his work, importing and exporting the like. Then he left with her word.

The next day, Haruhi and King Tamaki eloped, and for years they tried for children, but to no avail. So they adopted a teenage who looked like a child named Honey. Lucky for them, he came with a bodyguard named Mori.

Soon after the adoption, the glasses straw repo man came for Honey, and Haruhi told him no. He refused, and said if she could guess his name within three days, she could keep Honey. On the first day she guessed normal names such as Daryl, Anthony, Shawn, Travis, Justin, and Nathan, to no avail. On the second day she guessed odd names such as Falcon, Hawk, and Toad, still no dice. On the third day she guessed comical names Garugamesh and Hunky Dory, and yet nothing.

"Ha ha" said the man," you are wrong. My name is Kyoyastiltskin, and Honey is mine!" he laughed menacingly. Little did he notice Mori was behind him, who hit him so hard he turned into soup. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

_**A/N: texan- This was an idea I got while I was on vacation in Disney World. Right now I only have a couple other stories planed…**_

_**Kaoru- Such as…**_

_**texan- Well, Haruhipunzal and Haruhiella. Are you happy?**_

_**Kaoru- You need more. Hey, readers, send in your story ideas, and if its good, she will write it! **_

_**texan- Yup**____**! So send your ideas in! Reviews are always nice! **_


	2. Haruhipunzal

Haruhipunzal

_**Disclaimer: Yes, I totally own this. And then I appeared in front of my crush in my underwear. NOT!**_

**__****_A/N: THis chapter is dedicated to Dancingbell, who is one of my BIFFLES in real life, and got me hooked on Ouran High School Host Club. Here you go, DancingPlantation._**

Once upon a time, there was a fruitless transvestite named Ranka, who really wanted a child. Because this took place in the medival times and science was jank and didn't exist back then, and fairy god repo witch named Kyoya came down to Ranka and said "If you eat this magic carrot cake, you will become pregnant and give birth to a daughter named Haruhipunzal. But because I'm also the repo man, you will have to pay me eight million yen."

"But I don't have that kind of money. I work for minimum wage at the tranny bar." cried Ranka, who was PMSing.

"Fine then you will have to turn Haruhipunzal over to me, and she shall be placed in an ivory tower called the Third Music Tower, and I shall dress her up as a princess! Muahahahahahahaha!" shouted Kyoya with evil, inappropriate thoughts running through his mind.

"Fine, I just wanted the experiance." said Ranka happily, who then took a bite of the carrot cake.

We fast forward nine months, and Ranka gives birth to Haruhipunzal. I won't go into detail, because it was very gross. Not a mental picture anyone wants to see, except for Kyoya, who was there. After they cleaned the mysterious substances off of Haruhipunzal, Kyoya picked her up and swooped her off to the Third Music Tower.

We fast forward about ten years, and we see a ten year old Haruhipunzal, who has extremely long hair.

"Mr. Kyoya," Haruhipunzal said sweetly "why am I not allowed to see anyone?"

"Because, kitten, your my little play thing." he said, straightening his pink fairy wings.

"Hmmph."

We fast forward another six years, and Haruhipunzal has blossomed into a lovely young woman. But then came Prince Tamaki, who of course, is going to screw it all up for the better. He came to see Haruhipunzal, and she hoisted him up into the Third Music Tower.

"Wow, my princess, your hair is so strong. What is your secret?" he asked with glee.

"My hair lifts weights" she replyed. And they proceded to fall in love and do some very naughty things that I'm going to save your poor minds from.

Prince Tamaki left, and he came to see her every day for weeks on end. Until one faithful day.

Kyoya came in and helped tie her dress, and Hauhipunzal complained that he dress was too tight. Kyoya used his magical x-ray vision and could tell she was pregnant, so he cut her hair to look like a boys. Then Prince Tamaki came for a visit, and Haruhipunzal, fed up, flung herself out the window into his arms. Now, Prince Tamaki wasn't a fan of public transportation, so they went in his royal coach, which was moved by his peasants, Mori and Honey, and they made it to his kingdom of Ouran.

We fast forward for the last time, nine months in advance. Haruhipunzal gives birth to redheaded twins named Hikaru and Kaoru, and live happily ever after. The end.

_**A/N: texan- Allrighty, I'm going to reply to the six wonderful reviews I got. I LOVE YOU GUYS! I GIVE YOU ALL VIRTUAL MAGICAL CARROT CAKE!**_

**_Oyako-sama: I can do it that way, though I haven't decided if I'm going to do it the Disney way or the original way. _**

**_Hikaru Hitachiins Girl: JAS-CHAN! Girl, haven't talked to you in a while. I'm super glad you liked it!_**

**_Zurla Adams: Yea, basically. I kinda went with the whole beach episode where he almost raped her and I was all like "Oh crap, he's gonna rape her! Cover my eyes." :)_**

**_Kayy-chan: Tamaki and the Beanstalk is good, and I'll think about the Prince and the Pauper._**

**_Jillkun-ness: Ohhh, good idea. 6 dancing princes is def on my list._**

**_NewMoonBloodTears: I would do that, but that is an actual episode in the anime, and in one of the mangas, so I would be copying. :( Sorry. *Gives you a hug.*_**

**_I love your ideas, and will take even more! _**

**_Nekozawa- Beelzenef comands you to REVIEW!_**

**_texan- *searches for a flashlight, findes one, and turns it on* DIE NEKOZAWA, DIE! *chases Nekozawa with a flashlight*_**


	3. Haruhiella

Haruhiella

**_Disclaimer: Where have you been living? Under a rock?_**

**_A/N: This one is dedicated to IAmStillAMagicalPinata, one of my BIFFLES in real life, who I got hooked on OHSHC. GO IRON LLAMA!_**

Once upon a time, there was a commoner named Haruhiella, who lived in a kingdom called Ouran. She was very pretty, with long brown hair, and a nice motherly/fatherly figure named Ranka. One day, Ranka casme home from work, drunk and married, to Kyoya. Once they were all sober again, Kyoya introduced everyone to his, ahem, 'lovely' daughter, Renge. And they all livedas a happy, albeit strange, family...for forty-eight hours. Then Kyoya got mad and shot Ranka. Poor Haruhiella was now stuck with a brand new PMSing family.

During all this family chaos, the prince of the kingdom, named Prince Tamaki, had returned from cowering in battle. His father, King Honey, had decided that Prince Tamaki must get married soon, and so had his trusted advisor Mori arange a ball. All the young maidens were invited. Well, Haruhiella and her magical red rats who can sew named Hikaru and Kaoru made a beautiful dress, which Kyoya and Renge promptly ripped up. They were so mad that Haruhiella thought she could marry the prince when Renge 'was', they also cut her hair to look like a boys. Then they left, leaving Haruhiella practically naked.

Then, all of a sudden, Fairy Nekozawa came down from the heavens and turned Hikaru and Kaoru in to red horses, turned a vase into a carriage, and gave Haruhiella a yellow dress that was so hideous, Prince Tamaki was sure to love it. And off she went, leaving Nekozawa screaming to be back by Midnight, when the clothes would turn hideous.

She arrived at the ball, and she danced with Prince Tamaki for hours. THen Midnight rang, and she ran away, making Prince Tamaki think his breath smelled bad. But Haruhiella ran so fast she left her banana peel there for Prince Tamaki to slip on. He decoded to find the girl whose foot would fit in the peel, and set on his way.

He travled everywhere, and never found the girl. He eventually arrived at Haruhiella's house, and Renge tried on the peel. No luck her foot was too big. He found Haruhiella talking to her rats, shoved the peel on her foot, discovered it fit, and swept her away, back to his castle. The end.

_**A/N: texan- I know its short, and I'm sorry, but I have been super busy, being out of town and school starting and such. But its here now! **_

**_Hikaru- Tell them about the story!_**

**_texan- Oh, yea! Ok guys, my friend DancingBell and I are writing a story for OHSHC, but it doesn't have a name yet, and will only be posted on her account. So yup. Now to your reviews!_**

**_Kuramasredrose: Yea, genetics is a very strange thing. But it is possible. : D_**

**_PurpleFluffBunny7813: I know its strange, but it entertains me and apperantly others so wooh!_**

**_Oyako-sama: And the Moe game is on. : )_**

**_Hikaru Hitachiins Girl: Never heard of that fairy tale, or the title didn't come all the way through._**

**_Kayy-chan: Thank you._**

**_Jillkun-ness: Thank you._**

**_Zurla Adams: Do not worry, Nekozawa is only in the hospital. : )_**

**_IAmStillAMagicalPinata: I should have wrote that. Ah wells._**

**_Dancingbell: DON'T KILL JAYFEATHER!_**

**_ArtistAngel644: Tamaki should totally be. : D_**

_**texan- Now please review, or I may set fire to Hikaru. : )**_

**_Hikaru- HEY!_**


	4. The Six Dancing Princes

The Six Dancing Princes

**_Disclaimer: If only, if only._**

**_A/N: This is dedicated to Jillkun-ness, who had the idea for the story. Hooray, no villians in this one!_**

Once upon a time there was a Kingdom named Ouran, whose King and Queen was one transvestite named Ranka, who had six handsome sons. These sons were renound for being very lovely, but for waking up every morning with holes in their shoes. THis had started to make Ranka mad, who proposed a challange to every maiden. Whichever maiden could solve the mysery would become Queen, and whould get to choose her King.

Many maidens attempted the challange, and all of them failed. Most were beheaded. Others shot. All in alll, if you tried to solve the mystery and didn't, you were killed. I'm going to place this in a catagory of Stalinistic purges created by a PMSing Ranka.

One day, a traveler came to town named Haruhi, who had just gotten out of collage as a Lawyer and wanted this mass murder to stop. She felt she was smart enough to solve the mystery. So she walked to the kindom, only to be stopped by a witch with a cat. The witch was Nekozawa.

"If you want to solve the mystery, don't drink anything the princesses give to you, but pretend to sleep. They will leave, and you can follow them under this." he said, and so he gave Haruhi Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility. She went on her merry way, and soon arrived at the Third Music Castle. haruhi entered, and met the Princes.

The first was a tall young man with blonde hair, who wore a white suit. He kissed her hand and said "I hope you solve the mystery, princess." and introduced himself as Prince Tamaki.

THe second was a young man in a violet suit with glasses and black hair. He didn't look up from his iPad, but introduced himself as Kyoya.

The third was a young man in a dark blue suit, with spiky black hair. He didn't speak, but the fourth introduced him as Takashi, or Mori.

The fourth was a small young man, who really looked like a five year old, with blonde hair in a pink suit. "It;s very nice to meet you, Haru-chan! Do you have any cake?" he said. He introduced himself as Mitsukuni, or Honey.

The fifth was tall and gangley, with red hair in a blue suit. "Good luck" he whispered, and he introduced himself as Hikaru.

THe last was identical to the fifth, but his suit was orange. He repeated his brother, but intorduced himself as Kaoru.

Haruhi followed the young men to their room, where they fed her cheese and offered her some tea. She sipped the tea, but didn't swallow, and feigned comatose. THe boys felt prepared, and left through a trapdoor in their floor, Haruhi jumped up, spit the tea into the vase, which promptly broke, and chased them down the stairs under thet cloak. Tamaki felt paranoid, but still the walked, all the way to a dock, where they climbed into rafts and and sailed. They arrived at a ball, where they entertained ladies.

The next day, Haruhi revealed that the princes had been entertaining ladies. THey admitted it, and Haruhi chose Tamaki as her bride. And they lived happily ever after.

**_RESPONSE TIME_**

**_Kuramasredrose- Which is scarier, PMSing Kyoya, or PMSing Ranka?_**

**_Oyako-ama- THANK YOU!_**

**_Hikaru Hitachiins Girl- Okay, it's on the list._**

**_Maria Starlight- Okay, sounds good._**

**_Jillkun-ness- Please refer to my respose to Kuramasredrose._**

**_Zurla Adams- I'm considering Mori being a villian in the future._**

**_Dancingbell- Hikaru is fine._**

**_DeluluandOroro Platoon- He's okay..._**

**_IAmAMagicalPiata- You forgot the n, THanks! GO PUZZLESHIPPING!_**

**_texan: SO I'm done for now. Sorry about the wait._**

**_Hikaru: Yeah, what was up with that?_**

**_texan: Well I'm sorry, but I've had swim practice and had to do auditions and that project with Dancingbell, and work on that story and soup and AVPM and homework and AVPS and work on TOD and chichuaha and debate and..._**

**_Hikaru: ENOUGH ALREADY! WE GET IT!_**

**_texan:Good. Please review, or I will shave Tamaki's head._**

**_Hikaru: Me two!_**

**_Tamaki: NO! *runs away while texan and Hikaru chase him with duct tape and a razor*_**


End file.
